Wordpower

A love that was

2009-10-25T22:22:00.000-07:00

I'm confused whether I'm hurt at the moment or I'm upset. I think I'm upset. No, I'm more hurt than upset. Yes, I'm hurt right now. Because I'm going through the same pain once again, these days. The pain of deception. Dishonesty. Ignorance. Indifference. And all that can make one feel like an irrelevant and a petty 'thing'. Thing, because only things can't feel bad or get hurt, and are treated pitilessly. I've been too! Badly!

Eight long years, lakhs of meetings, thousands of promises and hundreds of expectations – all do make a beautiful relationship, no doubt. But hold on, it all can be thrown out of one's mind (and heart, if one has it that is) in a micro-second too! Same has happened with me as well. Once again. But for a change, I'm not crying this time as much as I used to, previously. At the same time, I know I've been 'made' to learn one fact that this pain will stay with me as an inescapable part of my life now – till my last breath. And I think, psychologically I've started to accept it as it comes to pass, from now on (I was unable to walk away this time as well, like always; it's like either be with him or with God, and I can't choose to be with the latter for certain reasons I can't talk about here – I may be sounding abnormal to you and I myself think I'm turning just that).

Someone who would care for me and love me truly, someone I could trust blindly, someone who wouldn't cheat on me even for once in 'our' lifetime, someone who would help me make our relationship special forever, and someone who wouldn't make me so insecure that I would have to go to certain cheap extents out of fear of losing him – this is all I wanted. From the love of my life. I have failed. Instead, I have been 'blessed' with everything opposite I had wished for. Everything opposite!

It all looks like a joke now. And who played this joke with me? I can't hold God or him responsible. It's me! Yes, it's me! I allowed such things in my life, again and again. And it's one fact that I didn't ever shy away from telling the entire world.

Have I? Has he?

2009-10-25T22:03:00.000-07:00

If love is about giving and not taking, I have probably never loved him. And he has done the same with me!

If love is about sacrifices, I have done a few (small ones, I guess – now they have become ancient history and dumped disgustedly) but have always fallen short to make the 'valid' and 'demanded' ones. And he has never made any!

If love is about making the other one feel like 'someone special', I have always tried to give him that warmth but have eventually failed. And he has made me feel special at times, but has showed me the 'reality' soon after, as a rule.

If love means you are hurt like hell when you two indulge in a fight, I have really loved him. And he has loved me (sometimes) and has loved me not (by and large).

If love means you shouldn't let the sun go down or rise without making up, I have partly loved him – I did try on a few occasions but failed. And he has loved me a little less – he only started trying to patch-up after I told him what I wanted in those mournful hours, but has brought that to a halt now.

If love means differences don't make a difference, I have definitely not loved him. And so has he!

Lost for the last time?

2009-07-31T05:10:00.000-07:00

They are rolling down my eyes,
Can you see them? Can't you see them?
And I am truly very hurt,
Do you know that? Don’t you know that?

There’s been no love for hours now,
From your side… it’s killing, really.
You exactly did what you said and wrote,
No contact so far… it’s killing, really.

I had always expected that you’d do 'that',
Just once, may be.
But today, right now, I clearly know,
That it’ll never happen.

Half of the day and all of my hopes are gone,
I don’t regret the day, I don’t regret the hopes.
I may be lying here – to myself, to you,
But that’s no more important – to you, to me.

Just once, if you had made the first move,
I would have overlooked the past, buried in my nearest closet.
Just once, if you had thought I needed you, in this situation,
I would have loved that thought for the rest of my life.

But you went the same old, hurtful way, even now,
You repeated the same old process, the same old insensitiveness.
But this time, unlike always, I am not going to repeat my do,
Nor will I hang around for your action, any more.

I have had enough of it, of you, perhaps,
The only thing I’ll now do is to test myself, my willpower.
No, I’m not going your way, for sure,
Just making way for your way, that’s it.

He never existed!

2009-05-30T11:31:00.000-07:00

He, whom I had never seen, was somewhere in my thoughts;
I was so determined I would meet him one day.
I waited, waited, waited – the hope always prevailed;
Until one day, when I actually met what I deserved –
Not him, but the reality!

Poor me, I still went on hunting for him,
Here, there, everywhere – sounds stupid but true that is.
Failures never put me off; I would become stronger instead,
Because that hope would always crop up,
And it died only when I met what I deserved –
Not him, but the reality!

I wished he would love me, miss me, care for me;
Wishes became desires, and hopes strengthened by the day.
He would never let me shed a tear, would always make me feel special – What’s wrong if I wished only that much from life?
Desires turned into fancies, hopes started fading away,
In that cluttered atmosphere, I only met what I deserved –
Not him, but the reality!

It was painful, very painful – so much so that it almost killed me,
Once, twice, thrice – I have lost the count today.
Sometimes, I would feel I was talking to him, he was with me,
Until the very next moment, which would tell me I was a fool.
And one day, I found myself head to head with something,
Something I had never expected, something that was difficult to handle.
Finally, left with me in one room was what I deserved –
Not him, but the reality!

Not him, because I never deserved him.
Reality, because he never existed!

Yes, I am!

2009-05-15T10:59:00.000-07:00

And I will stay mum now. About this. About that. I have a feeling. But I won’t share it. I have loads of them. But they will be buried inside me. Forever.

Not that I never tried to make things understood; it's just that my karma had always made it my fate, and I failed. Always. At every trial. They say, what goes around comes around. I also might have transmitted those kinds of energies previously, that’s why it’s hitting me back like this. And why it shouldn’t? What goes around comes around! After all!

And with that, I get one thing clear like mirror – I'm sick! Mentally! Else, who would do certain things only I do, of all the people in the entire world? Am I supposed to spoil my life? But I must ask myself first – is it ‘my’ life, in the first place! I have no answer.

It’s getting more intricate… second by second. Minute by minute. Day by day. And here, word by word. But before that feeling sinks in, I have a thing to confess – it’s ‘me’ behind all this. This misery I’m undergoing. Or that’s what I now think. One more sign of abnormality. But I can’t help it now. I was not cut to be like this. My karma, those downbeat energies and those inexhaustible thoughts running into my poor head did it all. Again, the blame is off my head. Still, I’m behind all this. My misery.

I dread days. And nights. The only time when I’m confident – it comes and goes away. Without me realizing it had come. And I, like fools, start cribbing about it. About my imprudence. My inattention. My fate. My destiny. My karma.

I don’t wish I could hold that in my hands and correct things. Why should I? Wishes don’t come true. Mine has never! I tried my level best but again, without doubt, it’s my hand behind my tears. My karma has put me into this situation. I can’t get away now. I have been clutched. Squeezed. The only respite – the fact that I know… that death comes to all. I’m waiting for that. Yes, I am.

Good bye

2009-03-12T00:04:00.000-07:00

I’ve been trapped again. Hit again. Smacked again. And I couldn’t help it! Despite my two-day-old resolution, I couldn’t help it. The worst of all – I feel cheated yet I can’t take my steps back. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself.

If you’ve read my last blog entry, you would instantly know what I’m talking about. Else, I’m not going to ‘recite’ that pain for a second time. Sorry for being rude. But I think it’s high time I changed my approach of handling and holding things in a better way to make it less bitter. The new plan of action should be – turn the tables. What do you say? Before you say what just popped into your head, I declare I won’t follow that method. It won’t come out of me. No matter how hard I try. I won’t be able to even the score, at least in this case. I may sound mad to you, but I can’t help that either. I am mad. Mad in love. And I hate myself for that. I hate myself for that. I hate myself for that.

If I didn’t utilize those keys (please refer to the last blog entry), why am I cribbing about it now? Why couldn’t I place things in order (I’m regretting being lying amid that huge dirty mess all the time)? Is there a respite now? Or a way out? Just for a day? Or for an hour? Or for a minute? I won’t go into seconds. You can very well see how restless I am at this moment, can’t you? My fault for my misery. Slap me. Because I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself.

Good bye!!

Why?

2009-03-08T13:05:00.000-07:00

Do you have the answer to this ‘why’? I know you don’t, as you yourself are a victim of this word. You yourself have the least idea as to ‘why’ things take ‘that’ turn every so often. And probably, you yourself are unaware of the ‘fact’ that now you can’t help it. For the simple reason that it has become your second nature now. Or the first one.

Good that you’ve realized, like always. Only to be even more determined than the last time that you have hit that chord ‘this’ time that lets you ‘perform’ those ‘acts’ over and over.

Good that you’ve just made me look like a fool, once again. It’s not the question of you deserving or not deserving ‘something’ in life; it’s the plain question targeted towards me – do I deserve all this? Before I could even ponder over this biggest question of my life, I have the answer ready – yes, I do. I deserve this. I do deserve this. Else, you tell me – if you were me, would you have given yourself even a second chance to run through the same pain once again? Or, at the most, a third chance? I know you wouldn’t have! Sensible you. Insensible me.

What do I do now? And ‘why’ should I come to a decision what to do now, in the first place? I think I’m still so very weak – weaker than the last time. Even after so many past (back) stabbings, I tried to stand still (holding those ‘memories’ somewhere inside me – I can’t forget it, I can’t help it, even today)! Only that ‘pile’ has grown bigger. Bigger. Even bigger. And so has my pain.

It’s just beyond my thinking process – as my tears are rolling down, hundreds after hundreds – were eight years not sufficient? Did those feelings, those emotions appear to be fake? Were my ‘so-called’ inputs simply going into the garbage box, next to your heart? A ‘yes’ to all these queries, and I’m sorted. But, hold on, not at ease. I’m even more distressed now. Because you have not only confirmed my ‘doubts’, you have run off with the last possibility that could have freed me from this anxiety.

I hate this. But want to console myself. I know no thoughts could raise my spirits at this moment. Or for the next few days. Or till the time I’m alive, breathing. Or… I don’t know till when. In reality, I should be slapped. Hurt even more. Shouted at badly. Thrown out of this world. But not pitied, for the sake of that god who gave me a mind I could use. Sorry god, but you know what – you made me like that. You sowed that oh-I-just-can’t-imagine-my-life-without-him seed inside me. I’m not blaming you here. Just trying to console myself. I know I shouldn’t. I don’t deserve that either. Because it’s not my fate. I made it this way. I had the power. I had the keys into my hands. I misused it. In fact, I just didn’t look at it at all. Not a single time out of the zillion times. Poor me – and here, I just consoled myself for the last time. And when I say last time, I bloody mean last time.

Just shut up!

2008-11-11T22:49:00.000-08:00

Rude as these words may sound, but it’s a part of life. A sad part though. The problem, now that I have understood, is not with the bad luck or bad timing or even the bad sense of coping with someone. It’s ‘gifted’! Yes, it’s a gift of life. But why am I sad with a gift so much into my life, a gift that comes my way every single day? May be I am foolish and imprudent to take what’s given to me as a gift.

Why have I started keeping my thoughts to myself only? Why do I dread voicing my opinion now? Why do I fear there might be some slips between the cup and the lips and the thought would lead to another silence? Why do I want to ‘play’ it safe all the time? Okay, most of the times? (True, things flow out of my mouth at times when it’s simply intolerable, unfit for my consumption; I am a human being after all.)

It happens. And it gets repeated. Over and over.

Not that I lose my footing and let the misfortune slaughter my spirits, once again; I do try to keep my balance on the safer side of the ocean but as they say, you can’t learn to swim in just one try. Honestly, I have attempted to be at least a not-so-bad swimmer, if not a champion. But the waves always hit me hard and I find myself again in deep water – broken, howling, down in the dumps.

I say it and I get it. What follows are the most callous words along with a very strong feeling of an uncaring and heartless attitude. Too much to take! But I have taken. Not just once. I have lost the count; yes I stopped it after the hundredth time it transpired. And the ‘cake’ is decorated with lots of ‘cherries’ all over with the ‘after-effects’. Nothing at all! A big zero! I know, poor me!

And my hard skin has not made me tough enough to get used to it – that’s where the irony stays. I still feel the same twinge I underwent on the Day One. Only my perception has changed. Now, I think I have bumped into an escaping that demands only one approach – just shut up!

An ‘idea’ that keeps changing my life...

2008-11-10T02:10:00.001-08:00

I was quietly enjoying my weekly off (no, not Saturday and Sunday; the ‘fortunate’ days are called Thursday and Friday). My phone rang, breaking the silence, literally! A friend-cum-colleague was on the other end. No, it wasn’t a last-minute-scheduled meeting she called for. Neither for discussing the work I left pending before I left office last. And absolutely not for asking about my health! Poor me; it would have been better if any of these reasons had been the cause of that call. True, before I could gather what she conveyed to me, I was travelling in a jam-packed bus already, in my imagination.

Gurgaon is definitely not a bad place. I don’t hate it. I don’t dislike it. I’m afraid of it. Yes, I’m afraid of Gurgaon when it comes to travelling there… that too, everyday (except for Thursdays and Fridays, of course!). Those roads, traffic jams, crowd… everything scares me to death. And running through this exercise everyday is like inviting the tension-bugs to take a toll on my body already.

Why can’t I be let the way I am? Why can’t certain things come to a halt recurring with me every six months? Why can’t I see what’s coming? Why can’t I work in Delhi, without shifting to an NCR area (of all the places) sooner or later after my joining in Delhi? I am very sad today for all these reasons, for all these queries answers to which simply don’t seem to touch my head!

Could be a co-incidence, one part of my senses suggest. While I bend more towards the hint offered by the other part – just a matter of bad luck, bad timing and a bad idea suggested by someone that changed my life once again (hitting my poor weekly off days first).

No grudges against anyone. Except those who enjoy my predicament instead of putting an ointment on the tight spots (don’t read consoling). And those who say it’s okay, things will change soon. And those who are reading this and yet not prepared to leave their comments saying they agree. Probably, I’m too demanding at times. Probably, writing this wasn’t needed at all. Probably, I will end up settling in an NCR area. And probably, I will dread working in Delhi then…

Raj Thackeray, it’s time for a reality check…

2008-09-17T11:34:00.000-07:00

The incident (oops, I mean the ‘accident’) is not a rotten one. Only recently, Jaya Bachchan’s alleged anti-Marathi remarks hogged the limelight and captured the headlines for a good number of days. And why not? Involved in the scene were a few big shots… Jaya (already named), Amitabh Bachchan (of course) and Raj Thackeray (who else it could have been when anti-Marathi things are on?).

The lady Bachchan only said at her son’s upcoming film Drona’s premiere that since they (also Priyanka Chopra) were from Uttar Pradesh, she would speak in Hindi. (Additionally, she asked the Maharashtrians to excuse her for doing so!). But the dialogue did offend the MNS chief to a large extent. To such a degree that he declared to block screening of all the films featuring any of the Bachchans in Maharashtra. Not just that – as an ‘icing on the cake’, Thackeray asked Maharashtrians to embargo all products endorsed by the Bachchans accusing them of having ‘poison in their minds’ for Marathi people. Terrified or whatever, Jaya and Amitabh sought forgiveness and tendered a public apology. Bloated a touch of hullabaloo about that, but finally things went down the drain as Raj accepted the Bachchans’ act of contrition!

‘Mr. Maharashtra’, undoubtedly, succeeded in drawing a lot of flak countrywide via this episode, once again. Kick-starting his political career as a youth-wing leader in his uncle Bal Thackeray’s party – Shiv Sena, he soon went on his own way, forming his own party – Maharashtra Navnirman Sena. Now, there were copious conjectures as to why he alienated from his uncle’s party. Like many others, it baffles me as well… at a time when he had steadily rose up the ranks with his charisma and had become the second God in the party, what went astray that he had to move out? One speculation was that due to Bal Thackeray’s son Uddhav’s entry into the party, Raj had to make an exit. Another hearsay makes more ground (to me at least). His alleged involvement in the Ramesh Kinny murder case! And only then, Uddhav marked Raj’s ‘proxy’! Though Raj has always maintained that he broke away from Shiv Sena because that party was ‘run by petty clerks’ and due to that it had ‘fallen from its former glory’.

Conveniently tagged as a hothead speaker, Raj probably had bitten more than he could chew!

Now, let’s come back to the recent account we started with. My question to him, here, is: does he want to split India on the lines of states of origin? Must he shed light on it; I need clarification. Do we need to remember the immense efforts executed by Sardar Vallabhbhai Patel – the iron man of India – who put together the erstwhile 600 princely states into one dominion, India? Isn’t the ‘honourable’ Raj Thackeray cropping up as somebody who wishes to flush those efforts out of our minds? Doesn’t his agenda seem to disintegrate this nation? If he dares deny this, let us expect a better explanation from him about his watchword ‘Jai Maharashtra’, which (ideally) should be ‘Jai Bharat’ if he really dreams to emerge as a national political leader.

His bitter outburst against the Bachchan family did raise my eyebrows, once again. Even in the recent past (few months ago, to be precise), his superfluously bubbled tirade against Amitabh became a national debate topic. He demanded to know Big B’s contributions to the State. I demand to know his contributions, if any!

Mr. Thackeray, you need a reality check. Let me help you. During the late 70s and 80s when the Indian cinema was on the verge of ‘extinction’, this Amitabh factor emerged as a knight in shining armor. A lot of artistes, technicians, along with Maharashtrians (read Indians) got a new life... they literally became able to earn their bread and butter. Now tell me, what have you done to uplift (at least) Maharashtra’s economy?

As long as an individual – an Indian or not an Indian – is contributing to the nation, it barely matters where he stays, Maharashtra or Delhi. A political leader (read Raj Thackeray) must understand that there are much more serious problems to deal with than such petty things.

Love or love-marriage, what lasts?

2008-09-14T02:59:00.001-07:00

What do you understand by the term ‘relationships’? Here, I’m asking about the bond shared by a man and a woman… as married or unmarried couples. Is this association already an understood thing by one and all or do we still need to dwell on its ‘real’ meaning? I guess, the latter one is more near reality.

People fall in love, get married, and then either they ‘live happily ever after’ or they plainly pretend they are still head over heels in love with their partners (but mind it, prevention is better than pretension… always) or sooner or later, they accept the developing discords in their relationships and part ways – mostly through obliging each other by signing divorce papers and ‘moving on’ in their respective lives with the ‘new’ discoveries called an ‘apt partner’. Don’t get confused with so many words guarded by single quote marks in the above sentences (and the ones yet to come throughout this article); as you keep going through the lines, the unwritten (read unspoken) meaning will turn as bright as sunshine.

Let me make it easier for you. Imagine this: A girl and a guy find each other perfect for themselves. They fight, they argue and they love. They plan their marriage, kids, careers, future. They again fight, again argue and again love. And one fine day, settling all itsy-bitsy problems – they tie the wedding knot, hoping to fight the entire world in order to keep the relationship intact forever. But the real shock comes only post this ‘merry’ episode. Their love takes a backseat (in the last row) and their mismatched opinions come to the fore warning them of being unable to get along with each other. Everyday mushrooming arguments hit the last straw and out emerges a feeling that begs them to fight the entire world in order to break away from each other! Isn’t that paradoxical?

Now read this: A girl and a guy are completely smitten by each other. They fight, they argue and they love. They plan their marriage, kids, careers, future. They again fight, again argue and again love. And one fine day, they settle for parting ways. For, they have had such a time together that has ensured them of their inability to spend the rest of their lives with each other. An intelligent decision! Or the ‘silliest’ one!

Now, tell me which situation is safer and better? Undoubtedly, the second one! But why? Because the couple estranged before experiencing the tougher days after marriage? Or because ‘all’s well that ends well’? On the flip side, I strongly believe that both the situations are equally bad; though the first instance hits the ‘victims’ harder, as escape comes their way only in the long run and the second situation gives them a chance to start their respective lives afresh. But a separation even before getting hitched (and after good-long years of courtship) hurts as much as a ‘love marriage’ turning into a failure. Believe it or not, it is a venomous fact that always remains thus, without any change in the ‘menu’ ever.

The couples failed in love or love marriages always - consciously or unconsciously - abode a feeling deep inside that ‘love’ is not eternal; like everything else, it dies too! And thus, the ‘newcomers’ find themselves at a loss. They scrutinize all the pros and cons before falling for someone. And there is absolutely no guarantee if that so-called ‘assessment’ is worth it or not! As they say, history repeats itself…

Judges are human beings, after all: Vinti Sharma

2008-09-10T22:48:00.000-07:00

I feel really sorry for this great singer who got evicted from the show so early. The interview was taken only to be published in one of the hopes of retaining her in the show till at least the grand finale. But my bad luck! Hey Vinti, you know what you are and for me, you ROCK... always!

The 20-year-old contestant at Amul Star Voice of India, Vinti Sharma, may appear quite naive at first glance, but what she has inside – loads of fortitude and oodles of singing talent along with a very lucid vision for her future – makes her a remarkably strong individual altogether. Here’s the gorgeously talented singer, in conversation with Anu Chanchal…

What do you think are the qualities of a good singer?
Voice is god-gifted. It can be refined though, to be a good singer. I think a person, most importantly, needs to be a good human being. A good singer must understand the depth of music. Since every song has an expression of its own, so he ought to get into the mood of it. Everyday riyaz is a must. Classical training is like an icing on the cake.

How much time of the day do you spend practicing? Do you have any formal singing training?
On a normal day, I practice for about two-and-a-half hours, it’s not sufficient though. But I need to balance my studies as well; I devote more time when there’s no pressure from college.

Yes, I’ve had a seven-year formal singing training, starting at the age of 13.

What brought you into this show? How did it all start? How difficult does it get making a place for yourself among so many contestants?
My passion for singing and desire to be recognized as a good playback singer brought me into this show. Actually, I got through the Sa Re Ga Ma Pa auditions in May but due to my BTech final practical exam dates clashing with those of the show, I couldn’t continue with Sa Re Ga Ma Pa. Then, I went for Indian Idol auditions and made it to it. At the same time around, I cleared Voice of India audition as well. So I chose VOI finally.

It is certainly not a piece of cake to get yourself noticed among so many efficient contestants. But I try my best. Initially, I used to underestimate myself but when I landed into the danger zone, I woke up. I believe in believing in myself and that really helps me sing better every time.

How do you find the verdict of the judges? Is it biased at times?
They are human beings, after all. When they like a contestant’s singing at the very first time, they tend to develop an impression that the next time, that person will at least stick to that good level. And even if he goes a level down in the next round, the judges ask him to bring that effect back, scold him but deep inside, they know he’s not a bad singer always.

How do you find the public voting format?
Very weird! There’s a wide range of viewers. If we have junta that prefers voting for only the good-looking contestants sidelining their singing – good or bad, we have a reasonable audience as well that supports deserving candidates.

How has this Show changed your life?
So far, this Show has definitely brought many changes in my life, my day-to-day routine. Earlier, I knew how my day would go. But here, it’s absolutely unpredicted. Every moment is a surprise and I’m loving it.

Who is your favourite judge and contestant on the show and why? And how is your tuning with the other fellow contestants?
Monty Sharma is my favourite judge. He is not only full of positive energy, but also guides each one of us to give a better performance each time. My tuning with all the contestants is good but I gel really well with Rithisha and Vipul.

Who has been your ideal singer, your inspiration? Who are your heroes in life?
I adore Lataji and Ashaji’s singing a lot. Lataji has a great voice quality and she sings effortlessly, emoting best expressions, and Ashaji is an eminent versatile singer. As for my hero in life, it’s my mom, undoubtedly. She inspires me to live life to its fullest. She says handling all the difficulties in life with utmost sensibility is important but the most important ingredient is a smile. A smile helps you fight even a mountain and it really works for me.

Have you performed before on stage or rather should I ask... on such a grand platform?
Yes, I have performed many times before this, like I have appeared as a participant on Zee TV’s Antakshari thrice. Then, there’s a national singing talent hunt organised by Sangam Kala Group in India, every year. Only 18 contenders can make it to the finale; I have been lucky enough to be one of them five times. And I’ve managed to grab third position twice and second position this year itself. But Voice of India has been the biggest opportunity ever.

Do you agree with the statement that sometimes good singers don't perform well due to nervousness and get eliminated? Has that ever happened with you?
No, thankfully I have never been bit by this bug called nervousness, especially when it comes to singing.

What form of singing is your favourite? Which is your favourite song?
I like classical singing but am simply passionate about Bollywood songs. Few of my favourite numbers include Ye zindagi usi ki hai… by Lataji, Dhaage tod laaun….

What other talents do you have?
I can dance well and was fond of art in my youth but I have little time to pamper it now.

If given a chance, which Indian actress would you like to sing for?
Rani Mukherjee and Aishwarya Rai.

Are you studying also? How do you manage between your studies and your passion?
Yes, I’m pursuing BTech. And it’s not difficult for me to continue with that. See, no one can study around the clock; you have to take a break. Everyone does something for entertainment, I sing. Music is always in my mind, 24X7. I can study while listening to music.

What are your personal goals in life?
I want to complete my education and get a degree.

What would people be surprised to learn about you?
I take my time opening up and mixing with people. But people confuse me with an introvert. On the flip side, I love talking. My family and friends know how difficult it gets to shut me up once I start talking.

What are your plans and aspirations for the future?
I want to become the busiest playback singer ever. I would like to produce music also but that will happen later in life.

What’s been your toughest obstacle in life?
Only when I have to decide between studies and singing.

Who is your Voice of India?
Vinti Sharma.

How important is it for a singer to accept criticism? And how important is it for you to win this competition?
It’s very important for a singer to accept criticism. Only praise isn’t good; if you can relish good comments, be ready for the bad ones as well. When you don’t live an up-to-the-mark in your performance, only then you are criticised, and criticism helps you improve.

Well, as far as winning this competition is concerned, it’s very important for me. I’ve never performed on such a grand show. This is like a first step for me to be recognised by one and all.

If you don’t make it as the Voice of India, what will you do?
I shall never give up singing for one failure. I’ll definitely be upset about this. But then, I’ll focus on finishing my studies. I shall fight with double the effort next time till I achieve what I want. Before this show as well, I had worked… I have sung few jingles and songs for Kanpur Radio Mirchi previously. Getting work won’t be a problem, I’m sure. But I want to be well-known around a wider range of people. And I’ll keep struggling for that.

If you win, who will you thank first?
First of all, definitely my guruji for making me able to stand out among so many good challengers. Then, I’ll thank my entire family that has always shown a great belief in me.

Would you like to give any message to the potential singers? Your advice to youngsters like you with dreams?
Focusing is primarily significant. Do lots and lots of hard work. Trust yourself. Try to understand your strong areas in singing. Work on it, refine it. And don’t ever give up.

When the unexpected happens...

2008-07-01T21:49:00.000-07:00

I

A Monday morning is always an action-packed occasion for Anvesha. And this particular Monday was no exception. She was busy filing an important news story on her office computer. She would have continued had a ‘new mail’ message on her GTalk not popped up, all of a sudden. On other instances, she would have overlooked the message and went on with her work, but this time, Anvesha couldn’t resist opening her mailbox, since the message carried ‘Very Urgent’ as its subject line. Moreover, the sender was Sameera.

Once she was done with quickly scanning the email, Anvesha was forced to pick up her cell phone and dial Sameera’s number. In the process, she had forgotten that only recently she had a grim fight with Sameera and that they (best friends, once upon a time) had not been talking to each other! On the flip side, when Sameera answered the phone call and confirmed the contents of her email, none mentioned the fight episode, as if it had never transpired.

“Beware Anvesha! Your would-be father-in-law is very dangerous. First, he phoned me up few days back, and then dropped in at my place last week. Now he rings me everyday… twice, thrice, even four times! He badmouths about you. Calls you names. Ill-speaks about your sisters, your parents….” Sameera poured out, at one fell swoop. Now it’s Anvesha’s turn to first swallow this new ‘development’ in her life and then curse her fate that she was unable to get in touch with her boyfriend, at that instant.

“This is the biggest shock of my life,” Anvesha heard herself speaking finally. “I knew he hates me to death, but I never had an idea that he would go to such an extent. But… how did he get your number?”

“That’s what bothered me at the outset, when he called me up. When asked, he said his son had given…. Hey, can Nikshay really do so?” Sameera asked. “Of course not! And Nick does not have your number, in the first place. I myself don’t have it, let alone Nick,” Anvesha had a point. “True,” Sameera agreed, “but then, who was he talking about? Nikshay’s younger brother?” “Possible…,” Anvesha found herself even more bemused and hurt at the same time.

II

“I can’t… believe this,” Nikshay was flabbergasted. Speechless! “How could my… dad do this? God!” and he broke down. Anvesha, his girlfriend, made an effort to soothe him, but she herself was down in the mouth. She embraced him… wiped his tears, her own rolling down her cheeks. Nikshay hugged Anvesha. “I am so sorry baby. You were so upset, undergoing this entire trauma and I wasn’t here in those needy moments. Really sorry doll… for whatever my dad did,” Nikshay hugged her tighter. “Why are you sorry for this, Nick? You haven’t done anything wrong,” Anvesha wiped Nikshay’s tears, Nikshay hers.

“Don’t worry my love, I am there with you… always. I’ll try and set everything right,” said Nikshay. They hugged each other…

III

She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. She felt the earth had moved under her feet. “Are you sure, Nick? I mean… it’s just unbelievable,” stunned Anvesha managed to speak. “Of course, I am, Anvi,” Nikshay assured her. “In fact, a comprehensive look at that email and you will be in no doubt yourself. Sameera is the mastermind behind all this,” he added. “I don’t believe this…. How could she backstab me… like this?” Anvesha found herself unable to stomach undoubtedly the biggest shock of her life.

“Yes Anvi, Sameera plotted all this. My mom just told me… my brother had received an anonymous email that carried the foulest language possible for you, smudging your character badly. Calling himself my family’s well-wisher, this ‘secret’ person gave Sameera’s mobile number, asking to contact her for more ‘information’ against you…. And I am damn sure Sameera has done all this… no one else but Sameera is this anonymous sender,” Nikshay asserted.

“Oh my god! Sameera? I trusted her so much. Made her my confidant. Why did she do this to me?” Anvesha couldn’t help crying. She was hurt.

And then she remembered the last message that Sameera had sent her after their last row… “I will never let you live in peace, Anvesha. I will take all your happiness away. Just wait and watch….”

I wish...

2008-06-30T07:24:00.000-07:00

I wish I could hold time and hack into the day when I was choosing which college to single out for my graduation. Rather, which course to pick! I would have preferred journalism lessons instead of settling on English (honors) classes. But alas, time doesn’t take the pain of reversing itself, come what may!

Though I am not feeling much forlorn for what I did then (it’s been six years now), but still wish I had brooded over it comprehensively, taking into account my long-term goals. (I would be happier and at an advantage today). But no qualms now (though I have alluded to it already… bang, bang, bang!).

This ‘I wish…’ reverie is seen, rather fantasized, by almost everybody (and if you think you are an exception, you must be a genius I must say). We act, we regret and we wish… to alter those follies, don’t we? Many a time, we do get a break to put it right, but when we realize that a particular wish can only be pulled off in a fairy land, we yet again regret (for the moment we slipped up) and we yet again wish.

I overheard my parents once (not so long ago), wherein my mom was being apprehensive about her own demeanor of treating my younger brother and letting him do whatever on earth he wanted to, since his very early age (now that he is 12 years old, he is ‘famously’ labeled as a spoilt brat). Even after those 12 long years and even after knowing she was left with the choice of mere wishing, she couldn’t resist saying, “I wish I could have controlled him in a much better way.”

A wish is spawned when either we really desire to do something (at present or in future) or we really covet we should have done something else instead of a particular endeavor, in the past. Well, not going into the philosophical sense of what I just said, let’s hop on to a yet another phase in the process instead. When ‘I wish…’ is fulfilled by ‘wish granted’, what follows is… well, a fresh wish of course!

Indira Gandhi must have, once upon a time, wished to become the prime minister of India; she also must have committed a few mistakes and wished to have been more serene and sensible in those moments. Amitabh Bachchan and Shahrukh Khan, the Shehenshah and the badshah of the Bollywood respectively, must have fancied ruling over the Indian film industry (no matter how modestly they state they didn’t!). In a nutshell, an achievement is the outcome of a wish.

Just imagine how dull and dreary a life would be, if there are no wishes. Wishes, undoubtedly, make a life action-packed. If truth be told, a wish always helps you live in an affirmative and optimistic atmosphere.

“I have no more wishes to make now, ever in my life,” ever heard someone saying this? No! You won’t! Reason being very simple… every person wishes to have something more that what he already possesses. It does hurt and upset us when a wish is not fulfilled, but even then, we can’t refuse to give in to wishing afresh.

Being a girl…

2008-06-24T00:17:00.000-07:00

As I decided to write on women issues, I found myself up the creek. It is, indeed, a daring job demanding spunk in you to produce such ‘real’ incidents. So here I am… writing my first such piece; not going far, I penned down my experiences so far.

My grandparents (predominantly the female one) wished for a grandson when I was in my mother’s womb. And all hell broke loose the day I was born. My first experience as a girl! Thanks to my parents (once again, predominantly the female one), they loved me.

“Your grandma refused to even cross the threshold of the hospital ward to take a look at you,” my mother gave me this depressing piece of information when I insisted on her for this. It only left me grief-stricken. “And the moment she saw you for the first time, all she said was, ‘She looks like my son and it would have been better if the god had sent her being a boy’.” Now you can ascertain why I can’t bear crossing my grandma’s threshold.

Is it really important to own a son/grandson that my grandma had forgotten while commenting on my gender that she herself belonged to the same group? I guess, yes! Else, she wouldn’t have ever been able to latch on the difference between these two sexes; now, when she is old enough to use a stick while walking, she is not looked after by her so-called sons (three, she has!), but is given regular visits by her daughters and daughters-in-law to enquire after her health! And she knows what she has lost – my love (and respect, to some extent) for her.

Anyway, let’s come back to my experiences part. A pungent treatment at the very first day of my life was an indicator for such impending episodes awaiting me at almost every stage. From the parts that are fixed in my mind, I shall sally forth with the time when I was in class III. As far as I can commit to my memory, I rubbed eyeballs with the very first occasion of harassment in my life when a boy from my class itself wrote my name with an ‘I love you’ message on the girls’ washroom door. It only left me in tears, as I didn’t know what else to do when I was the object of everybody’s gazes in my class. This boy was given a tight slap each by my mother and my class-teacher the very next day.

The next year followed, so did such affairs. I can never overpass one incident that rolled in when I was in class VII. Every morning I used to enter my class, I would find one letter placed on my desk – an anonymous love letter! Its content (that asked me “not to discuss it with anyone or I’ll defame you”) terrorised me to the extent that I feared every boy present in my class. I don’t know why I got so scared of the word ‘defame’, albeit I had no real idea what it actually meant! But the kind of milieu created by that single word had left me vulnerable. And so is the state of many females’ minds that keep their dumps and blues uncurtained.

Well, in due course, I was informed by one of my classmates (a boy, to be precise) about the person behind all this. A boy I thought was a very good friend of mine was the culprit! And I was standing with my class teacher with all those letters the very next moment; that offender was penalised severely – a week’s suspension from the school! And this time, I did it all by myself, without calling my mother to school the next day.

I have lost the count of such episodes I chanced upon when I was in school. Thanks to my mother, she never let me resign myself to the so-called fate of a girl in this society. But what about those deprived girls with no mothers bracing them up at such hours of need? They end up loosing their confidence levels much before bricking it up. Parents are our maiden teachers; if they don’t endow us with buoyancy, then who would? And when it comes to building up a girl’s mental state in a country like India, it becomes even more imperative.

If institutions like schools and colleges are not considered safe for women, then why to blame open roads? One fine morning (sometime in 2007), I left home for office only to stumble on yet another bad trip to add to my kitty. This time, it was an obnoxious bus journey! I boarded the vehicle and within a few minutes, I discovered that a jam-packed bus could be a nightmare, especially for girls, for then those frightened-in-the-open hands don devil-may-care spirit. And that day was no exception! But the only difference was that I turned and gave that hideous fiend a tight slap in the face. And believe you me, he felt really humiliated and got off the bus as soon as it stopped at the next stop. Once again the question goes to those countless females who remain tight-lipped in such situations, which only provoke the wrongdoers to move one step ahead followed by turning into rapists at times – aren’t you yourselves behind your miseries related to molestation issues to some extent?

These are a few incidences I could recount due to the shortage of space. But the two messages I wanted to put across are, I guess, clear. One, to the parents (especially mothers) – girls are not meant to be dominated. Instill loads of confidence in them to face the world and fight all their battles themselves. Two, to the females – you are not the weaker of the two sexes. Take an immediate action at the very first sign of any sort of abuse and put an end to further chances.

Spit, shit…come off it

2008-06-22T23:26:00.000-07:00

“Shit! …. Thank god! It didn’t dribble on my clothes,” I gasped and expressed gratitude towards my god at the same time, in a split moment, staring at the man who was just on the brink of spoiling my day. The man in question was nobody I knew. An absolute stranger! But that couldn’t impede me from awarding him with the most grisly stare I have ever given to anyone in my life. No, this is not an episode of a roadside molestation at a busy bus stop. This is a centuries old notorious custom that has clasped a large section of Indian society. Yes, I am talking about those who do not mind dirtying a public place in order to release themselves off dirt!

They are criminals. There should be laws against those who carelessly spoil the roads; others have to be extra careful to even move a step forward. I remember an unpleasant incident that just came to pass when once I was walking leisurely on a not-so-crowded road. A lady, probably in her late twenties, was ahead me. We stopped at a bus stop, so did a bus to stack it with maximum number of passengers (as is the tradition followed by all the buses). Before I could realize, a spray of orange-brown paan (several ounces of it, to be precise) someone in the bus had been chewing came flying out of the window and nestled right on the head of the lady in front of me, spilling a few drops on her shoulder. The dumbstruck woman couldn’t believe her fate (and I thanked mine for obvious reasons); and before she would have evened the score with the offender (I wonder what she would have done!), the bus had already made a move.

The desolation doesn’t come to a halt here. You can’t trust looking downwards while walking on an Indian road, especially near areas like bus stops, vegetable markets, small narrow lanes, construction zones, and many more. A sickening dash of sloppy spit, a careless way of blowing nose, an intolerable stance of tossing banana peels and other fruits’ seeds, etc. are simply dreadfully annoying to the individual who happens to glance at it. Another negligent approach is letting one’s pets excrete in the open (do they follow the same ‘negligent’ attitude inside their dwelling places as well?). Now that is what the extreme chance of all to curse those grumpy roads and the anonymous doers!

What calls for a serious attention here is few steps to be taken, not only by the government but also by both the individuals – one, who are responsible for such acts; two, who are the victims (starting your day with such ugly experiences is in itself a suffering, isn’t it?). If asked me, I would like our government to outline an austere rule of fining (a hefty amount of money) the wrongdoer the moment he executes such outrageous act. The goaded citizens should come up with their active participation via alerting the ‘criminals’ as and when such affairs transpire. And last but not the least, the offenders should themselves have to understand that if they won’t like the idea of smudging their homes’ floors and walls with spits, paan-sprays, their pets’ craps, vegetables and fruits’ peels, then why do they do the same to the country they claim is their own?

Chatting or cheating…

2008-06-19T21:38:00.000-07:00

Rahul: hi sweety…
Priya: hi
Rahul: long time no see
Priya: yeah, I was undergoing exams…just got over…
Rahul: hmmmm….missed you so much……so how is life?
Priya: not bad, after the exams…what about you…and how is neha?
Rahul: she is ok…
Priya: how are her classes going on? I heard she is working somewhere now?
Rahul: hmmm…
Priya: where is she working?
Rahul: don’t remember the name exactly…somewhere in gurgaon
Priya: what? C’mon Rahul…she is your girlfriend. You should know such things about her…anyway, you guys still meet at the same place in the evenings?
Rahul: c’mon priya…stop asking about her…enough…lets talk something else…we are chatting after soooooooooooooooooo long
Priya: I know….so how have you been all this while?
Rahul: oh…desperate to chat with you…you know how much I miss you and the chats with you every night…
Priya: yeah I know…so how did you survive without chatting with me?
Rahul: don’t ask dear…had become mad…thank god you came online today, else I would have died…
Priya: oops…I saved your life…so what do I get?
Rahul: whatever you want baby
Priya: ammm….what about a movie this weekend…and a nice dinner thereafter?
Rahul: amazing plan….. I’m game for it…will call you tomorrow to fix the date and time
Priya: anytime…
Rahul: it’ll be fun…dying to meet you…it’s been so long…
Priya: very true…fine then…will wait for your call tomorrow
Rahul: I won’t let you wait for long dear…will call you first thing in the morning…
Priya: how sweet
Rahul: I know you are sweet…
Priya: okay then…I’ll go and sleep now…bye…goodnight
Rahul: no…..don’t go…plzzzzzzzzz
Priya: very sleepy…will talk later…sorry
Rahul: :(
Priya: c’mon Rahul…we are meeting this weekend…cheer up now
Rahul: :(
Priya: okay fine…….but only for 10 minutes…and then I’ll be gone to sleep…
Rahul: hurray…….you are a darling…
Priya: and you are a cute darling…
…….
……………
……
……………………

And the chat goes on and on… minute after minute… night after night…. Until Neha, the poor girlfriend, comes to know of this secret liaison one fine (oops…is it really fine?) day. And then follow those redundant explanations Rahul tries to appease (rather fool) her with. “It was nothing serious baby. Just for fun sake,” assures Rahul. Now what I don’t understand here is the context behind this ‘fun sake’. Does it mean that the ‘poor’ Rahul was bored to tears that he had to (mind it, HAD to) say those things? Or, does it entail that the ‘clever’ Rahul was merely checking if he still had that charm to magnetize a girl? Or, even more possible, does it imply that the ‘poor’ Rahul – who was probably unable to see that fire anymore in his existing relationship – desired to be called a ‘clever’ Rahul by giving himself a better option? Well, you have the liberty of adding even more possibilities to it…be my guest.

It is not just one case; the episode is repeated in many such relationships. One boy, one girl…see each other, talk, become friends, talk even more, exert a pull on one another, one proposes, other accepts…love in full swing…for how long?…one month…six months…two years…three years…. And then arrives that ‘fine’ day…a day that puts a question mark at the lovey-dovey bond!

If the ‘cheated’ (yes, we’ll later argue if such act of flirting on net is actually called cheating or not) partner gives a second chance to the ‘cheater’ (again, this will also be discussed) one, then either he/she is making the best decision or he/she is the dumbest person on this planet. Best because he/she is a soul with practical thinking and can see the genuine feeling of regret in the eyes of his/her partner; dumbest because he/she, despite knowing the flirtatious side of his/her partner, keeps blessing him/her with umpteen chances…every time, the ‘last’ one!

Now come to the most important part… should flirting on the internet via chatting, mails be called cheating?

Well, if you are already committed, then it is cheating. In that case, I strongly feel that your running relationship is not moving and ‘real’ enough to keep you loyal towards one person and thus, you go on a partner-hunt (yes, this is what I call it). And that IS cheating. If you disagree with me, then it could be because of two reasons. One, you have a better and more valid point to argue my statement; two, you yourself are one of those cheaters. Decide where you fall.

Friend or fiend…

2008-06-19T00:33:00.000-07:00

It’s been days since I wrote last…. Sometime in May. Not my fault exactly, I have been keeping really busy all this while (the work was kind of futile though). So today is the day! But now I am wondering what to write about, as most of the issues I would have cherished to pore over have already been sheltered by those who had ‘that’ time.

Okay, I’ve got it! I’ll tell you about someone I thought was very close to my heart, someone I trusted the way a newborn would be sure about only the best from his mother, someone I made my sounding board. And someone who backstabbed me! Exactly the way that newborn, after growing into a successful man (thanks to his mother’s years of dedication showered on him), would one fine day abandon ship his mother has been sailing throughout her life, for the huge sake of ‘moving on’ in life. If you are thinking this ‘someone’ to be a lover (boyfriend, to be precise), it’s not your fault; I have outlined it in a way anyone would confuse it for a boyfriend. To cut the long story short, it is a friend sans ‘boy’.

Yes, a friend indeed…but with strictly a tag – ‘not in need’! She talked, she exchanged secrets, she fought, she reconciled. She again talked, she again exchanged secrets, she again fought, she again reconciled. And this ‘looking back’ was always there...to relive the same moments over and over. I could never realize I was playing a fool. I believed her every time she tried to bridge the differences. And I never had an idea I was digging my own grave.

Well, now that you know it’s a girl – who, masking as a true friend, turned out to be a real fiend – let me not go into the curtain-rising via telling what she is called by everyone (of course, I have a new name to address her now). Anyway, let’s get back to the days that have given me a chance to remove that mask off her face – the beginning. Had I not stretched my hand towards her for a friendship (yes, I approached her first), I wouldn’t have been talking to you at this moment (thanks but no thanks).

The formal gesture graduated to a great bond (a so-called one) between us and that eventually went on to be called a non-separable pair (do I need to re-mention her regular attempts to set things back to normal after every clash?). While I was under impression she was a gift from God, I let her read every single line from my life-book; she reciprocated. That I later got to know she lied every time is a yet another stab altogether!

One more fight and I settled on never to let her sway me into a yet another ‘fresh’ start (I wish I really could live up to my words).

She convinced me one more time and I simply couldn’t help being entrapped…this time, to witness the worst!

And one day…when I was unaware of her tactics pre-planned in her mind…her ‘real’ identity was disclosed to me…stab, stab, stab! She had been betraying not only me, but also the word ‘friend’. Trespassed all the borders in conning me, she went on and on to wear the guts on her sleeve of still showing she was a great friend!

When all is said and done, let’s not go into the ugly-layered details of what actually happened to twist and turn the whole story. Just check and make certain you are not surrounded by any such fiend in the disguise of a friend….

How are you, by the way?

2008-05-10T23:15:00.000-07:00

I meet a good friend and a distant relative, after a long time, in two different instances. Very obviously, the customary “Hello” is followed by “How are you” in both the cases. Though it is a simple enough greeting, replying to it is a bit fiddly.

“How are you?” I asked a distant relative while meeting him after a considerable long time. And pat came the reply, “I am fine, and you?” I, feeling very formal, answered, “I am fine too, thanks.” And then followed the hardest moments…. I was forced to graciously pay attention to his words, and hoped someone rescued me out of that situation.

Now read the following conversation that came to pass when I, all of a sudden, ran into a very good friend of mine; again, I was meeting her also after a considerable long time.

“How are you, Pooja? It’s been long since we met last. How are things going on in your life? Hey, I heard that you had enrolled yourself in an interior designing course. How is that progressing?” – Just see how I bombarded my friend with scores of questions, without giving her any chance to answer ‘how she was’! And what followed my question-bank could be easily guessed now…. She poured out all the details of her life, shooting numerous questions at me at the same time, without caring to answer ‘how she was’!

Now let’s compare the two situations.

When I recall the first situation, I can easily summon up what I was thinking then. My relative, no doubt, must have become conscious that I was least interested in knowing what he had to say. The signs of boredom and world-weariness that enveloped my face were not only perceptible but also very much passing on the message to him to put a full stop at his narration. And so he did, at the very first moment he realised that weariness.

Now come to the second instance. I met a friend. I put an array of questions across and the how-are-you part faded away somewhere in the conversation. We both, for each other, could see how we were.

When we bump into a person we know hardly or for the namesake, we end up either fearing that he would be getting bored to death of our talks or we ourselves can’t put up with his tales. Quite the reverse, on stumbling upon someone we really are glad to see, life-stories become quite interesting for both the parties, isn't it?

Chemistry that never fails

2008-04-22T02:57:00.000-07:00

Are you married? Are you happy? Are you married and happy at the same time? If the last one seems to be a tricky question, you need to reshuffle your marriage cards a little to see if you can find what has long been lost. And it’s worth giving a try.

Anvesha and her husband, Nikshay Malhotra, are confused by people for a newly married couple. But the twist here is that this couple’s marriage is now three years old and they have a one-and-a-half-year old child as well.

They still hold hands whenever they go out for a movie or for a walk, hug each other when they are ecstatic about something (and it doesn’t seem to matter where they are), care for each other so much that it easily shows…they always seem to be so much in love with each other. The lovey-dovey pair still kisses each other goodnight and good morning. Simply die-hard romantics they are, aren’t they? They are the perfect example to convey that you need not try to inject romance in everyday life, once married.

Romance often has to take a backseat owing to pressures in everyday life. Work pressure on a daily basis makes husbands irritated and they get nagged; their better halves grumble about being undervalued and taken for granted, and feel unacknowledged.

When asked his ways of keeping their relationship so dynamic, Nikshay chirps, “I know what she loves and what irritates her. I take care of her likes and dislikes, so does she. We love being kids when we are together. I treat her like a princess and end up feeling like a prince myself.” So is it as simple as it sounds? “Of course,” Anvesha adds her side of story, “We are like best of buddies. Only we know how much we had to struggle to reach to this level of getting a chance to live with each other. So it comes naturally. We respect this relationship and know how important a role we play in each other’s lives.”

After a long session of talking to the happily married couple, we have put the conversation in a nutshell in the following points. These are few of the ways Anvesha and Nikshay do to keep their relationship alive.

Breakfasts, dinners and long drives: Since both are working (Nikshay is a bank manager and Anvesha is a journalist), the only times they can catch up with each are the early mornings and evenings. And they make full use of it. She makes his favourite breakfast every morning (and, at times, he helps her too in the kitchen; romantic, isn’t it?) and they chit chat over the breakfast table before leaving for work.

After a long and hard day at office, he makes sure she doesn’t enter the kitchen to prepare dinner, every day; Nikshay takes her out for dinner at least twice a week, which is followed by a long drive. A miraculous way of saying he cares!

Listen: As simple as a piece of cake! And this is what they do. Anvesha pours out every detail of her day and Nikshay loves to listen to her narration. And she is as patient when he recounts his day’s activities. They talk. They advise. And they hear each other out.

Simply hugs and kisses: Another way of expressing love and care for each other. Hugs and kisses, especially between a married couple, have the reputation of ending up with love-making. But that is a mere perception here. Nikshay and Anvesha hug each other and that is strong enough an act to communicate a wealth of emotion and support, each of them ask for, from each other. After all, this is what they need at the end of the day.

Women: Then and Now

2008-03-08T21:00:00.000-08:00

Gone are the days when women were regarded as incongruous and incompetent, when their aptitude was questioned. These imposing creatures have not left any area untouched now. In such an era, women power is still subjugated by males.

Whether they are proficient or amateurish in a task, women have proved their adroit forte and efficacy. Be it a physical effort or an intellectual endeavour, women have come out unbeaten. Truly, in the present scientific era, women are becoming cognizant, accomplished, responsible and well informed in almost all walks of life. But even today, when women-power needs no introduction, we run across many incidents involving molestations, eve teasing, rapes, murders, mental and physical harassments due to dowry, etc.

Women residing in the rural parts are one of the major victims of such abuses. Reasons are ample – low literacy rate, less awareness, lofty male dominance. And here comes a very obvious question – how many of the rural women are aware that March 8 is celebrated as international women’s day? None, to be honest!

March 8 is a day that rejoices womanhood the world over every year. Leaving few areas and corners, of course! It is, indeed, doted on that women’s male counterparts salute them worldwide on this day for being so very special, imperative and indispensable.

But it would have been even more evocative and meaningful to observe this day or rather realise its magnitude a few hundred years ago when women’s status in the society was literally down in the mouth. If we weigh that age against today’s time, we simply can’t overlook the across-the-board reformation in women’s image. It is there for all to witness and extol. Thanks to wide-ranging education and allied prospects and opportunities, today’s women are not what they were then. In those revolting times, women were not only looked down upon, but their desire for education also remained disgruntled owing to the rampant male dominated customs.

A modern woman pulls off umpteen roles. Be it of a domestic, social, political, scientific or technical nature, she plays a vital role in all fields with absolute excellence. It is a matter of pride that women can stand shoulder to shoulder with men in varied as well as challenging fields like research and development (R&D), design and development, marketing, production, etc. They have embarked on obscure and strenuous jobs and delivered resourcefully in such areas too. Madam Curie (a scientist) and Mother Teresa (a great social worker) are perfect exemplary figures for this.

The present-day women are a lot more educated and also perform manifold roles – of a homemaker, employer, employee, etc. And not to forget, they carry off all their roles with sheer confidence and audacity – all thanks to their inherent skills and apposite sensitivity and planning.

A woman’s success story is woven with her will to sacrifice and compromise when it matters the most and an equally robust strength of mind to guard her morals and ethics in severe state of affairs. A share of the credit for women’s changed status in the society, no doubt, goes to men as well. We should not fail to concede that men, too, are behind the turnaround in women’s image. Apparently, men too have made sacrifices and compromises towards making way for women in areas where they ruled! Had they not made alterations in their approach and outlook, women might not have progressed this much. But then it is men again who upset a woman’s image in the society. Now it’s their call to be eulogised or to be deprecated.

No limitations can imprison 21st century women, as their spirit and thoughts are free. With the materialisation of women power with the advent of the 21st century and their augmented active inputs in information technology (IT) and biotechnology, it is pragmatic to anticipate an absolute woman dominated society by the end of this century.

She can also dump him!

2008-02-15T22:08:00.000-08:00

Myth says men rule over women (in India specially). But the world has changed now, and so should those books alter the chapters that speak only about ‘manpower’. Let the males face it – today’s women can compete with their men counterparts in every field. They can dump them too!

If you can dump her, so can she! Gone are the days when only a guy had the ‘authority’ to leave his girlfriend. Today’s girls have long back buried those fears of getting dumped by their boyfriends. The era has arrived when girls can pay back in the same coin. And they know why and how to do it.

Being the more levelheaded of the two sexes, girls keep in mind all the factors before taking ‘that’ decision. They do themselves a favour by getting it over with, as they know that it’s over and thus, makes no sense playing ‘girlfriend’ any more.

Let’s move in the chronological order as to ‘why’ followed by ‘how’ a girl winds up a relationship.

Why?
The reasons behind her calling it off may be any of the following:

No charm left in the relationship
When she feels no vibes are exciting her anymore, then she knows it’s the time to move on…without him! An unhappy relationship cannot be jacked up. So she hits another road.

He’s not up to her expectations
She wants him to care for her; not send her roses everyday. She wants him to wipe her tears away; not make her cry overnight for no reason. She wants his emotional support; not his bulky wallet. And if he goes the other way around, she will make sure he never comes her way ever again.

He dominates her
If he feels she should always be at his beck and call simply because she dwells in a male chauvinistic society, he’ll have to bear the cost by losing her!

He has double-crossed her
The worst of all! He is totally out of the scene if he is hanging out with another girl. That way, not only is he pushing aside her feelings, but also slapping her dignity. And in such case, she has the full right to backfire in the best hurting manner.

Sex: He wants it, she denies it
If he wants only sex despite her constant ‘No’, he deserves to be dumped. He must remember while making such a demand that it’s not ‘he’ but ‘he and she’ in the relationship to take decisions. So everything should happen with mutual understanding.

How?
Woman, as they say, is the most beautiful creation of god. And thus, she’s been endowed with the quality of doing things in the same manner – beautifully! Yes, she tries not to hurt his feelings too much while killing off the relationship with him. But mind you (men), she may be equally bad at times (and these are the times when you have stabbed on her back!).

Boys, prepare yourselves! Whenever she does any of the following things, she is pointing up at dumping you soon (in a decent way, of course!):

An honest meeting
She is sensible enough to break ‘that’ news to him. Phone, email or SMS (Short Message Service) are the unrefined ways to tell him that, and she knows it. She will meet him somewhere and give her honest explanation of the break-up.

Tell him why
Saving him time and energy to wonder on what went wrong, she will set it right to him with all her subtle reasons. She very well knows he was the one she fell in love with, so she won’t merely say, “It’s over” and walk off.

Give him time to think and react
After her shot, it’s time for him to swallow what she’s just said. And she gives him that time. He may try to elucidate things to get her back, but she will remain on her firm yet tender ‘No’.

If not concluded such a piece with real ‘activists’ and ‘victims’, the spice will be left out of it. Garima, a teacher at the British School of Language, quips, “I had a boyfriend when I was in college and the relationship was quite serious (I guess, at the end only). Then one day, I discovered that he was dating another girl as well, and that was the end of it. I slapped him hard on his face.”

Whereas, Shweta Pawar, a finance student, has a very arresting experience to share, “I was very much in love with a guy some two and a half years ago. But I found him to be a real bully after the courtship of about a month. I tried explaining him that, but, was left with nothing but to take a break. So…one day, I told him that and planned my future without him. Though I miss him even today at times, but those memories of his dominating nature give me enough reason not to approach him anymore”.

Ask her what she told him while dumping him and Shweta reveals, “Nothing much! I asked him to come out with me for a cup of coffee and there, I said, “It’s not working out between both of us. So it’s better to call it quits.” He was shocked at that but I gave my valid reasons and he walked away without saying a word.”

Maddy, a theater artist, has been dumped by his girlfriend recently. Though he loved her so much, yet he could never realise during their courtship that she was going to ditch him. “She claimed to love me as much I loved her. But I have no idea what went wrong that suddenly she stopped seeing me or even taking my calls. And then one day, she reasoned that I wasn’t taking my career seriously,” tells Maddy.

Tattoo thy name

2008-02-15T21:48:00.000-08:00

It seems Saif Ali Khan has jumped on David Beckham bandwagon by getting Kareena’s name tattooed on his arm! And the tradition has become a must-have for the ultra modern lovey-dovey couples. A fairly common custom, it has an opposite aspect as well.

Bollywood and Hollywood are packed with copious of celebrities, who have had the names of their partners tattooed on some or the other part of their bodies. Angelina Jolie and Billy Bob Thorton got each other’s names needled on their arms; the marriage failed at last! Johnny Depp swallowed the pain to have ‘Winona Forever’ tattooed on his upper arm; he modified it to ‘Wino Forever’ after the split! Pamela Anderson altered ‘Tommy’ with ‘Mommy’ post break-up! And Saif Ali Khan has done the thing of late.

Contrarily, some celebs have it forever! David Beckham braved the needle in his wife Victoria’s name on his arm in the Devnagiri script, and his three sons’ names in different spots on his back. Melanie Griffith still has husband Antonio Banderas’ name. And we need to wait so as to add or never to add Saif Ali Khan’s daring act in this list.

What these stars do is followed by the youth. The fashion they air becomes a style statement. My question here is – Is it the sane step to pronounce their courtship like this – so loud and clear? If you know he/she is the one, then it does make sense. What if it’s the other way around?

Does one really need to do something this silly to prove that the love is in the air? What after that romantic air blows away? You are left with nothing but to repent over that unripe decision that was, in most of the cases, taken in the spur of the moment.

We bagged some experts’ advice on this. Pradeep Menon, a tattoo artist, divulges, “No less than two customers a month come to me with a demand of tattooing their lover’s names on their bodies. But alas! Roughly 80 per cent of them return shortly asking to remove it.”

So we can see the light why it is that most of the tattoo artists discourage customers from getting name tattoos. “I propose they get it in a foreign language, albeit someone insists on getting their lover’s name tattooed. That way, its meaning is known only to that person,” adds Menon.

Another tattooist, Sameer Patange asserts, “If you want a simple permanent tattoo, it costs between Rs 2,500 to Rs 8,000 that can go even higher! And it costs ten times more to get a tattoo off, be it through laser or plastic surgery. Plus, there’s no guarantee of getting the original skin tone back.”

Hairstylist, Kevin Billings, who had tattooed his wife’s name on his arm even before they got married, asks, “If you believe in the relationship, then why not do such a thing? My wife also needled my initials some time later. Though a few people think it to be dim-witted, it barely matters to us!”

Do we really need Valentine’s Day?

2008-02-15T20:17:00.000-08:00

As they say love knows no borders, my question is – why have we hemmed love in a chain of days that suddenly breaks when Valentine’s Day takes off? Does this passionate feeling called love actually need few ‘special’ days to express its intensity?

“As long as I and my girlfriend are together, each day is a Valentine’s Day for us. This day but the profundity of emotions for each other holds the utmost value, isn’t it?” asks Nitin, a 21-year-old student. And indeed he is correct. Love is an unimpeded feeling that disapproves of getting caged behind the bars of certain days.

Apparently Rose Day falls on February 7, which is followed by Propose Day, Chocolate Day, Teddy Day, Promise Day, Kiss Day and Hug Day – strictly in that order, until February 14 emerges when Valentine’s Day rolls in and puts the so-called lovey-dovey days to rest. Why do we ‘ritualise’ these asinine and childish days, which have been spawned in the west? Aren’t these days outshining the real meaning of love and shooting down its charisma?

“Though I don’t very much believe in rejoicing these days, but don’t mind these either,” asserts Naveen, a 23-year-old relationship manager in a bank. Ask him which days among the lot he celebrated with his girlfriend this year, he chirps, “I give her a rose every time we meet… she doesn’t need a soft toy as she herself is one… I’m the chocolate lover amongst us and we celebrate the Propose Day every year. On the day I actually proposed to her eight years back – all in all, we don’t need fixed dates to relish such special moments.”

Sheetal, a GE Money employee, holds different views altogether, “I enjoy celebrating few of these days like Chocolate Day and Teddy Day, as I get loads of chocolates and soft toys, though I have to reciprocate as well. But it’s worth doing so once in a year.”

Now that takes us to another (rather real) facet – ‘once in a year’. Yes, we do celebrate these days once in a year, wherein Valentine’s Day always tops the charts, as it is savoured annually the world over without fail. And at the first flush of the next morning, it becomes history! But the passion of love inside hearts still prevails… throughout the year.

If we scan these days by the names and try to decipher the significance they possibly could hold, we arrive at no good point. Let’s start with Rose Day. What does that mean, in the first place? Are we allowed to pluck roses on this day to gift to our spouse, which is generally against law on the ‘ordinary’ days? Likewise, does Propose Day spread the message that one has got the right of proposing to the one he thinks he is in love with (and if he misses the chance this year, he has lost it for another 364 days)?

And who will demystify the mystery of Chocolate Day? Are the nagging mothers behind the idea of making this day, so that the deprived kids could, with full right, dig teeth into their favourite chocolates? So are the queries about rest of the fêted days – Teddy Day, Promise Day, Kiss Day and Hug Day - unanswered.

A rose followed by a chocolate, a soft toy wrapped into the promises of scores of kisses and hugs are not enough for one to approve of a lover’s proposal. Love is not a mere ‘weekly’ affair, but the long-term bond is what one looks forward to, and that comes from mutual understanding and compatibility, but not from such phony days.

RK Misra: First ‘Lead India’ leader

2008-02-15T20:11:00.000-08:00

A series of arduous rounds and strenuous tests kept Lead India contestants on their toes, eliminating non-deserving candidates one by one until RK Misra was discovered. We hope he evolves to be a ‘real’ leader and not just another politician.

RK Misra turned out to be the best man on the Lead India stage at the grand finale held at Noida’s Film City on Saturday (Feb 9). The man from Bangalore, Misra was announced winner by the former president APJ Abdul Kalam.

The new leader was fortunate enough to bag all but one of the judges’ vote. The special judges panel at the mega final encompassed Right to Information (RTI) activist and Magsaysay award winner Arvind Kejriwal, India’s solicitor general Goolam Vahanvati, senior Congress leader and former Madhya Pradesh chief minister Digvijay Singh and Bharatiya Janata Party (BJP) spokesperson Ravi Shankar Prasad. The permanent jury members – Kiran Bedi, Javed Akhtar and The Times of India (TOI) senior editor Vikas Singh – joined this special team.

The chief guests at the do consisted of Amar Singh, Arun Jaitley and Abhishek Manu Singhvi; they latched on a panel debate on ‘Why the new generation shows no interest in joining the politics.’ Singh also announced that his party would give a ticket to the finalists having ideal Samajwadi Party profiles. He stated that luck, opportunity and utility were the three components that made politicians.

Jaitley refused the idea of offering the candidates an easy ticket to enter politics; instead he focused on the power of ethics, morals and principles to excel in the long run. Singhvi seemed to share the same opinion. He asserted, “Let’s not make politics a charitable organisation. The competent candidates will be, no doubt, grabbed by us.”

Just before the winner was announced, the host Anupam Kher invited on stage the voted out six finalists – Soumya Mishra, Ujjwal Banerjee, Ranjit Gadgil, Dipayan Dey, Abha Singh and Sanjiv Kaura; they were given a big round of applause for their good performances.

Vineet Jain, managing director (MD), Times Group, stated, “The amazing response that we’ve got for Lead India is simply great. Lead India is an easily accessible platform for the Indian youth who wants to join politics.”

Out of the two strong finalists, Misra bagged India’s leader’s tile after beating Devang Nanavati in the last round. Misra showed his respect towards Nanavati’s excellent sense of arguing his case, and Nanavati termed Misra as a ‘doer’ and not a ‘talker’.

The grand finale demanded both the final candidates to make a case in one minute. While Nanavati articulated that good governance was not guaranteed by only joining active politics, Misra enlightened his public private partnership model. They also disclosed their dream projects; Nanavati has plans to establish a centre for leadership and social governance in Ahmedabad and Misra envisions of setting up a cattle farm in his village Sonari in Uttar Pradesh (UP).

After the judges’ votes, audience’s poll, short message service’s (SMS) count, Misra was declared the man of the hour. Kalam presented him with a certificate and a cheque for Rs 50 lakhs, and Misra reiterated Nanavati’s statement, “This is not the end of Lead India. The actual journey has just begun.”

Subhash Chandra Bose: A true nationalist

2008-02-15T20:08:00.000-08:00

“Give me blood and I shall give you freedom,” Subhash Chandra Bose not only proclaimed thus but also lived up to his words. A true nationalist, he didn’t rethink before dying for sovereignty of India.

Revered as Netaji Subhash Chandra Bose, the great Indian freedom fighter against the British Rule and the prominent national leader of the Indian Independence Movement was born on January 23, 1897, in Cuttack in Orissa. The legend, with a desire to free the nation, plunged into politics after resigning from the esteemed Indian Civil Service in April 1921 regardless of his high grades in the merit list, and went about to be reformed into an active member of India’s independence movement.

Bose was elected the president of the Indian National Congress (INC) twice, in1937 and 1939. Mahatma Gandhi’s non-violent strategies were never appreciated or approved by Bose. He deemed that Gandhi’s tactics would never facilitate India achieve independence. So his ideological clashes with Mahatma Gandhi led him to quit the INC. And being a strong advocate of aggressive and violent combat, he grounded All India Forward Bloc in 1939, a political party. Thus, began his battle for freedom to overthrow the British Empire.

The Indian nationalist was arrested eleven times for his anti-British movements between 1920 and 1941. But nothing could stop this hero, who was absolutely committed to return his motherland its lost sovereignty.

Bose piloted the youth wing of the Congress Party and headed the trade union movement in India. Indian National Army (Azad Hind Fauj) was his establishment. He also structured another wing of Congress called Service League, and was greatly regarded for his contributions.

Notwithstanding his apparent hatred for the British Empire, he had a profound penchant for its systematic attitude and tenaciously disciplinarian stance towards life.

Bose focused on the democratic system, which he thought was the apposite option for India. He was the true supporter of independence, yet is not endowed with the amount of significance he deserves. Gandhi’s Congress Party came to rule post independence and Bose’s efforts were barely kept in mind. When Mahatma Gandhi, Jawaharlal Nehru and other leaders’ birth anniversaries are celebrated nationally, why not Subhash Chandra Bose’s?

Bose’s ways to liberate India from the Eastern front persists to cause intense discussions in the Indian society, even today. Every Indian should salute his strong nationalism, vigorous efforts to release India from her bounds and the remarkable journey he undertook in the quest to meet his objectives.

Supreme Court validates long live-in relationships

2008-02-15T20:05:00.000-08:00

The Supreme Court has validated long live-in relationships as marriages. And the children born out of such ‘liaisons’ will no more be called ‘nullius filius’ or ‘by-blow’. They will enjoy the same status as that of any kid born after a marriage.

The society is changing, for the good of course! The recent verdict by the Supreme Court that long-term live-in relationships be acknowledged as legalised marriages is an apparent example of such social reform. The mankind that was always in absolute antagonism of a live-in relationship has finally green-lighted it, only if it has been bricked with firm underpinning.

A Supreme Court bench headed by Justice Arijit Pasayat declared that children born out of such a relationship will no more be called illegitimate. “Law inclines in the interest of legitimacy and thumbs down ‘whoreson’ or ‘fruit of adultery’,” it added.

In further statements, the court proclaimed that even though the assumption of marriage is rebuttable, heavy burden lies on the person who seeks to question the legality of a relationship to ascertain that no marriage transpired. The court cannot brush off the evidence introduced to weaken the presumption in such stance.

If we look back into history, we come across one such couple whose fate was re-established even after a judgment in Madhya Pradesh High Court. The year was 1985. The bench rebuilt a lower court’s order and acknowledged Loli as the wife of Radhika Singh. Loli lived for several years with him and brought forth five daughters and a son.

To catch hold of an expert’s opinion on such a grave and brave step, Merinews spoke to Leena, a lawyer, who felt it’s a commendable act, and “It’s a very good judgement. Such things should be given validity in our society. For me, it’s a very radical attitude and we all should respect it. Women should be given the liberty to choose their life partners and should not be forced into marriages if they are not ready.”

What does the general public opine on such an action by the government? We asked a few of them and could sense it’s a wise step since the majority was in favour, albeit some opposed it too.

“Long-term live-in relationships are de facto marriages. The SC has taken the right decision,” underlined Prashant Kapoor, a psychology student.

Whereas, SK Mittal, a navy officer, when asked, said with a frown, “This way, the new generation will be more spoiled. They will prefer live-in relationships to marriages arranged by their parents. And what’s the guarantee that the male in such relationship will turn out to be a loyal partner in the long run? What if he leaves the girl with kids and runs away without prior notice?” But his teenaged daughter, Gunjan Mittal, a struggling reporter, seemed holding different views, “I think this decision is for the betterment of the society. Poor kids will be able to live without their heads down in shame. I totally support this judgment.”

“If you love somebody dearly, are living with him/her for a long time, then you are already husband-wife,” stated John Manohar, a doctor at St Stephens Hospital. “And when the government stamps your relationship, nothing like that! A good move by the SC, indeed,” Manohar further added.

Bollywood starlets reborn on the silver screen

2008-02-15T20:01:00.000-08:00

Gone are the days when an actress, if got married, was considered ineligible for further hogging the limelight. We have ample examples of our ‘daring’ ladies who reincarnated themselves on the silver screen.

Dimple Kapadia did it with Sagar. Kajol with Fanaa. Hema Malini with Baghban. Zeenat Aman with Boom and Madhuri Dixit wih Aaja Nachley. So did various other actresses! And Sridevi is giving the latest buzz.

Madhuri Dixit
Bollywood’s dancing damsel, Madhuri Dixit, after walking down the aisle with the NRI doctor Sriram Nene in 1998, returned with the same smile in Pukar, Lajja and Devdas, and recently shook her leg in Aaja Nachle. Every time, she was received with arms wide open!

Kajol
The star kid, Kajol tied the knot with the star hubby Ajay Devgan and vanished from the big screen. But in next to no time, reappeared with Fanaa and rejoiced good amount of admiration for her outstanding performance.

Hema Malini
The dream girl, Hema Malini hit the theaters again with her amazingly refreshing looks in Baghban. After sliding away from the spotlight, Malini was seen in a handful of character roles, unless this beautiful creation went to her kitty.

Dimple Kapadia
When Bobby came, everybody was flabbergasted by the gorgeous face and impeccable innocence of the then 16-year-old Dimple Kapadia. So was the then superstar Rajesh Khanna…so much so that he ended up getting hitched to the beauty! And that, in turn, ended the lady’s booming career. But as the pair tasted bitterness in the relationship, they split. The outcome was Sagar, followed by great works like Rudali, Lekin, Dil Chahta Hai, etc. Rest is history.

Zeenat Aman
Zeenat Aman is one name that reminds us of a ‘bold and beautiful’ star of her time, who became the inspiration of today’s Mallika Shehrawat, Bipasha Basu. And why not? She has it in her even today! Endowing the industry with hits like Satyam Shivam Sundaram, Hare Rama Hare Krishna, Qurbani, she suddenly went astray only to bang the tinsel town’s doors with Boom in 2003. Though she was noticed in the flick for all the wrong reasons, Aman is all set to be seen in Jaana, sharing screen space with Rajesh Khanna.

Sridevi
With Judaai, she went behind the curtains. But now, Sridevi is again looking forward to joining the Bollywood. Married to producer Boney Kapoor, the still-very-gorgeous Sridevi hopes to get roped in some challenging project in the near future. And her action is awaited by the masses.

People’s verdict to their comeback

When people, movie buffs in particular, were asked about their take on such comebacks, we got our sack filled with mixed reactions.

Naveen Malhotra, an MBA (Master of Business Administration) student at IMT (Institute of Management Technology) chuckles, “Though we are having so many comebacks these days, yet these actresses need to work on the upholding of their reappearances. Like after Hema Malini’s Baghban and Veer Zara, we are again left with waiting for her next. So is the case with others. I guess, they must keep up giving their part of performances. I was highly disappointed with Zeenat Aman’s work in Boom. We, as an audience, look forward to seeing something more than the usual glamour existing now when the yesteryears’ stars touch the silver screen.”

Whereas, Itisha Patlan, a physiotherapist by profession, comes out with a new line, “I would like to see Madhubala and Geeta Bali act again, in lead roles! They are more powerful actresses than any of those we have today. And yes, it’s always good to see ‘good’ actresses on screen, no matter how many birthdays they have celebrated.”

Sakshi Rawat, an HR (human resource) personnel, says, “It depends on the performance enacted by the particular actress. Like in Baghban, Hema Malini looked dazzling. And it seemed that she still had that spark! So why not? I believe age but performances matter in today’s time.”

Do ‘opposites’ really make long-term relationships?

2008-02-15T19:58:00.000-08:00

She drives a Mercedes-Benz, he a Honda CBR. She is a bookworm, he a sports buff. She is a republican, he a democrat. She prefers career to family, he the other way around. Do opposites really attract? If they do, how? If not, then who do?

‘If you want to find a great relationship, look for an opposite’. We have all heard this time and again. Let the concept of ‘opposites’ get clear first. As per our mindset, we think, or rather, misconstrue the term. If you are a great conversation lover and your partner hates to talk, then the two of you are opposites. Clear opposites! And if you can’t stomach what the other is passionate about, how can you two be a couple, in the first place, let alone be attracted to each other?

On the other hand, if you love to talk non-stop and your companion loves to listen to you along with joining you in the tête-à-tête, only then the ‘attraction’ factor develops in the relationship. There has to be a comfort level involved. And that comes through understanding each other’s likes and dislikes and preferences. Thus, it’s not the ‘opposites’ who attract each other; it’s the ‘complements’ who get smitten by one another.

What do we look for when deciding the Mr or Miss Right? Obviously, not the opposite persona! We seek out a mate who can make us ‘complete’. Don’t we? We need a shoulder to cry upon when down in the dumps, not an ‘I’ll speak to you when you are done with shedding your tears’ shrug; we look for someone who loves having career related discussions with us, not someone who is satisfied with running a grocery shop and doesn’t want to think further, etc etc.

This 'completion-quench' springs from an original longing for acquaintance of the objects we have experienced all through our early days, or in any other family circumstances. For instance, a guy having a domineering father would easily bond with an authoritarian girl like his father. Or, those who strike a chord with him in the manner he balanced and adjusted with his dominant father.

It is always a wise move to call a ‘not-working’ relationship off, the minute one realises this. It’s better to move ahead, than to put up with a complex, unwanted, agonising relationship, and await the one who truly complements you.

Helicopter parents block their kids’ growth!

2008-02-15T19:54:00.000-08:00

Does your dad write your resumes? Is your mom always accompanying you to a career counseling or a job fair? Do your parents go to the extent of calling up employers to inquire the reasons of your rejection? If yes, you have helicopter parents.

Wondering What does that mean? Despite the fact that you live with them, you don’t realise who they are and what they are doing to you. Though they are not seen in every family (of course, exceptions are always there), yet can be witnessed in every third house in your neighbourhood.

They are the hovering parents…snooping in all your matters with command, wrestling your combats for you, flooring your paths, guarding you at any cost. To cut a long story short, you are absolutely dependent on them, in every respect. Even if you want to step ahead on your own, they won’t allow! They still take you as ‘kids’ and will make sure you walk according to the ‘baby steps’ designed by them. Such ‘pushy’ parents are termed as ‘helicopter parents’.

The intention at the back of such parents’ heads is that of the love and care they hold for their broods, which turn them over-protective; it has consequences but results.

It’s an agonising situation for a parent to witness his or her child fall short. If truth were told, it is one of the most exigent pictures for a parent to experience. And in such scenarios, the parent needs to be tough in order to provide enough room for his child to be stronger and get prepared for even bigger challenges. But more often than not, they follow the opposite track and fall into the category of helicopter parents.

An advice to the helicopter parents

Today’s parents need to understand one simple thing – being protective for your kids is good, but getting over-protective may (will) attack their individual growth. Such treatment develops various shortcomings in your children’s personality – they can’t put up with a failure, they can’t survive a challenge etc (you name it and they have it!). Rather, give them some space so that they learn the most important lesson of life – to get to the top of the escalator, you need to climb up the first step yourself, making way for further steps. Afterall, getting up to make another try for a success after a fall is the best way to fight a life-battle and win it too.

Cosmetic surgery may kill you!

2008-02-15T19:50:00.000-08:00

Not everyone gets upset with these physical blemishes. On the contrary, such imperfections can render poor self-esteem and persuade low confidence levels to some. Cosmetic surgery facilitates advancing your looks, but not for everyone!

When it is advertised in newspapers and featured on television with the reassurances of shaving decades off your appearance, you want to practice it, too. Offering the potential to spice up and add zing to various parts of the body, cosmetic surgery, as any other surgical procedure, too entail certain menaces and limitations. But an evenhanded conclusion about beauty and stable welfare has to be made.

Scores of cosmetic surgical procedures are common at this moment in time. Liposuction stamps out fat cells from the body so as to generate smoother curves. The measure has been around for years. But, doctors and researchers are ascertaining of the threats involved progressively, nowadays.

If too much of fat and fluid are done away with, one can experience hazardous outcomes – going into shock, internal bleeding, or can even die! So, this is a procedure that can end up in a disaster, if in the wrong hands. Besides, when done properly, there have been many cases where the skin is dimpled and left drooping.

In order to boost the probability of a rewarding end-result, one needs to take care of three simple steps. To start with, scrutinise your reasons for wanting a cosmetic surgery. Next, edify yourself about what you can logically expect, the pros and cons involved. And last but not the least, find yourself a qualified surgeon.

Madonna visits Mumbai slums

2008-02-15T19:42:00.000-08:00

Madonna, the international pop sensation, music composer, dancer, film maker, author and star-actress, all rolled in one! She came to Rajasthan for the New Year clelebrations after which she went to Mumbai. She visited the Colaba slums also.

After relishing a year-end leisure holiday in the royal state of Rajasthan, Madonna dashed to Mumbai on Tuesday. The multiple Grammy and Golden Globe award winner has, reportedly, booked the entire fifth floor of the Taj at Gateway. She tried escaping the paparazzi while driving to the Taj.

When British pop diva, Natasha Bedingfield, visited Mumbai during November 2006, she made sure she observed a slum in Kandivali, northwest Mumbai. Madonna seems to be quite impressed with that and is thus following in her footsteps.

Soon after checking in and pepping up themselves, Madonna, her hubby and Australian author Gregory Roberts hit the road to the nearby Colaba slums. Slum dwellers were awed by her sudden arrival. And, she was welcomed with rose petals and arms wide open by the amazed crowd, though only a few recognised the celebrity!

Madonna walked all the way through tapered tracks in a slum and visited a flea market there. Slipped into a black jacket, T-shirt and jeans, the material girl spent almost 45 minutes with the impoverished residents. It is interesting to note here that Roberts, who accompanied Madonna to the slum area, made the Mumbai slum his abode in the early 1980s. The author had taken refuge in the city after running off an Australian high-security prison. You can get easy glimpses of the slum in his best seller ‘Shantaram’, which is being adapted into a movie enacted by Johnny Depp and directed by Mira Nair.

The group, then, delighted in the Udupi Food – ‘idli-vada sambhar, masala dosa, and sev puri’. Madonna also tasted a bit of ‘jeera fried rice’ with ‘sambhar’, and topped it off with a cup of ‘steaming masala tea’. And the stop for this delectable quick lunch was a roadside budget restaurant!

The grapevine spills the beans that the celebrity is planning to hang about in Mumbai for about a couple of days more.

Before coming to Mumbai, Madonna and her family had spent nearly a week in the colourful desert state of Rajasthan, where they had a nice time horse-riding, kite flying and participating in some other exciting activities.

OSO kills Saawariya

2007-11-22T22:14:00.000-08:00

One song with 31 famous actors is something we forward to, but when it’s around 31 songs in one movie, exit gate is what we look forward to. Isn’t it?

Com’on guys, stop this bizarre comparison. I’m in awe how anyone can even come up with comparing kids with ‘The Shah Rukh Khan’. He is the Bollywood Badshah. It is rather a battle of youth with experience. Rest is evident.

Om Shanti Om and Saawariya, both were born on the same day, and their much-hyped-labors had been witnessed by all. But the buzz is that OSO, being old wine in a new bottle, has shot Saawariya almost dead that is new wine in an old bottle.

Bhansali’s baby, Saawariya, is down in the dumps even after grand sets, Salman-Rani’s remarkable performances, and of course, star kids – Ranbeer Kapoor & Sonam Kapoor. Though Ranbeer showed perfect emotions and did true justice to the role given to him, he couldn’t do what was expected out of him – outdo SRK! A silly prospect, indeed!

Ranbeer couldn’t repeat the history by becoming a star overnight like his dad after his first move in bollywood through ‘Bobby’.

Both are love stories. But how come one gets 90% appreciation whereas the other could bag only 60% of it?

After dishing out great works like Khamoshi, Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam and Black, Sanjay was expected to give something even more powerful. But alas! He made Saawariya that looked like a musical, for it was chock-a-block with copious numbers of songs. And to top it all, a story with a very unreal feel to it!

On the other hand, OSO proved to be a complete entertainment treat – 70’s masala, comedy, funny & lovey-dovey Shah Rukh ‘Six Pack’ Khan. The second half is a tad slow and the story predictable though.

But even after my above remarks, I strongly believe OSO is not an award-winning package of the year. But for that also, only Shah Rukh will have to show up on the stage. Chak De...ho Chak De..Indai!

Diwali brings mother of all battles...

2007-11-22T03:09:00.000-08:00

One day before Diwali...or should i say before 'their' releases... (8th Nov. 07)

Every festive season faces this battle, so does this Diwali! With two mega budget movies lined up to be hitting the theaters tomorrow, Diwali is all set to take everybody by storm. Let’s see who wins – ‘An ode to love’ or ‘A tribute to the 70’s cinema’...

The multiplex owners and distributors are on tenterhooks to rake in the profit this Diwali. And why not? They have already been flooded with double their expectations! Thanks to Bollywood geniuses Sanjay Leela Bhansali and Farah Khan, who are finally landing up with their much-hyped ventures ‘Saawariya’ and ‘Om Shanti Om’ respectively.

‘We are already packed with 60 to 70 percent of the bookings for the evening and night shows. And the bookings for next four days are even more satisfactory. The amazing response from the masses is simply great. They want to catch up on both the films,’ quotes Ashish Saxena, COO of PVR Cinemas.

This major opening of the Diwali blockbusters has left many in a state of bewilderment. ‘Saawariya’ or ‘Om Shanti Om’? One is introducing star kids to the industry and another hovers around a thriving idea of reincarnation from the era of 70’s cinema to the present scenario, and not to forget – the SRK factor in it.

Most of the cinema halls are showing the ‘houseful’ boards to the ‘latecomers’. But that doesn’t help movie fans to still try their luck! We spoke to some such people.

‘By the time I reached here to book a ticket for myself, it was too late. Bookings are full till Monday. I tried at some of the other cinema complexes but all in vain. I’ll watch it on Tuesday now’, says Kritika, a Delhi University student, who was found with a long face at the Chanakya ticket counter.

When asked which of the two flicks she would like to watch, asserts Kritika with a smile, ‘I would like to see Ranbeer Kapoor and Sonam Kapoor act, but I’ll watch OSO first for the obvious reason – Shahrukh Khan! Missing to relish his performance wherein he is slipped into a 70’s actor’s robe will be a loss’.

Well, the Bollywood Badshah, Shahrukh Khan, is the first choice of Indians, no doubt. But, this doesn’t snatch the new birds’ chance to measure the height of the sky. A group of five friends, who was busy in the blame-game for not getting the tickets, told us the Ranbeer-Sonam-couple has become their favorite.

‘They look very nice together, specially the cute Ranbeer. We wanted to see the very first show of Saawariya but now it’s not possible’, tells Aditi, a customer care executive at Genpact. No sooner does she complete, butts in her colleague-friend, Gaurav, ‘We had been planning to see this film first day first show since the day we saw its promos but we are not getting the tickets now. We’ll try at some other place now. Let’s see...’

Does Bhansali serve us with another target-audience-bound-film or does Farah’s creation draw the first blood? The final word is still awaited.