Yes, I am!

And I will stay mum now. About this. About that. I have a feeling. But I won’t share it. I have loads of them. But they will be buried inside me. Forever.

Not that I never tried to make things understood; it's just that my karma had always made it my fate, and I failed. Always. At every trial. They say, what goes around comes around. I also might have transmitted those kinds of energies previously, that’s why it’s hitting me back like this. And why it shouldn’t? What goes around comes around! After all!

And with that, I get one thing clear like mirror – I'm sick! Mentally! Else, who would do certain things only I do, of all the people in the entire world? Am I supposed to spoil my life? But I must ask myself first – is it ‘my’ life, in the first place! I have no answer.

It’s getting more intricate… second by second. Minute by minute. Day by day. And here, word by word. But before that feeling sinks in, I have a thing to confess – it’s ‘me’ behind all this. This misery I’m undergoing. Or that’s what I now think. One more sign of abnormality. But I can’t help it now. I was not cut to be like this. My karma, those downbeat energies and those inexhaustible thoughts running into my poor head did it all. Again, the blame is off my head. Still, I’m behind all this. My misery.

I dread days. And nights. The only time when I’m confident – it comes and goes away. Without me realizing it had come. And I, like fools, start cribbing about it. About my imprudence. My inattention. My fate. My destiny. My karma.

I don’t wish I could hold that in my hands and correct things. Why should I? Wishes don’t come true. Mine has never! I tried my level best but again, without doubt, it’s my hand behind my tears. My karma has put me into this situation. I can’t get away now. I have been clutched. Squeezed. The only respite – the fact that I know… that death comes to all. I’m waiting for that. Yes, I am.