Just shut up!

Rude as these words may sound, but it’s a part of life. A sad part though. The problem, now that I have understood, is not with the bad luck or bad timing or even the bad sense of coping with someone. It’s ‘gifted’! Yes, it’s a gift of life. But why am I sad with a gift so much into my life, a gift that comes my way every single day? May be I am foolish and imprudent to take what’s given to me as a gift.

Why have I started keeping my thoughts to myself only? Why do I dread voicing my opinion now? Why do I fear there might be some slips between the cup and the lips and the thought would lead to another silence? Why do I want to ‘play’ it safe all the time? Okay, most of the times? (True, things flow out of my mouth at times when it’s simply intolerable, unfit for my consumption; I am a human being after all.)

It happens. And it gets repeated. Over and over.

Not that I lose my footing and let the misfortune slaughter my spirits, once again; I do try to keep my balance on the safer side of the ocean but as they say, you can’t learn to swim in just one try. Honestly, I have attempted to be at least a not-so-bad swimmer, if not a champion. But the waves always hit me hard and I find myself again in deep water – broken, howling, down in the dumps.

I say it and I get it. What follows are the most callous words along with a very strong feeling of an uncaring and heartless attitude. Too much to take! But I have taken. Not just once. I have lost the count; yes I stopped it after the hundredth time it transpired. And the ‘cake’ is decorated with lots of ‘cherries’ all over with the ‘after-effects’. Nothing at all! A big zero! I know, poor me!

And my hard skin has not made me tough enough to get used to it – that’s where the irony stays. I still feel the same twinge I underwent on the Day One. Only my perception has changed. Now, I think I have bumped into an escaping that demands only one approach – just shut up!